Last fall, I had the privilege of officiating the outdoor wedding of my beautiful daughter, Micole, and her loving fiance, Josh. Standing there on that windy October day, I was not just an officiant but a proud mother full of happiness.
As the wind weaved through the ceremony, I felt it was nature's way of blessing their union, and reminding everyone that love, much like the breeze, is powerful, and ever present. Plus, the wind added a wonderfully dramatic and playful element to the wedding photos! Knowing my daughter and her fiancé's sense of humor, I opened the ceremony with a little playfulness. I joked about the realities of being both the officiant and the mother of the bride: the unpaid labor, the mandatory expensive dress, and my slight envy of the groom's mother's escorted walk to her seat. I concluded that part of the ceremony by inviting a handful of boys from the groom's school track team to sprint around and hand out monogrammed handkerchiefs to the guests, anticipating the emotional moments to follow. The ceremony was a deeply personal and heartfelt address to Micole and Josh. It celebrated the powerful bond of their love, the strength of their blended family, and offered meaningful, practical advice to help them build a lasting and joyful marriage. The celebration continued in the greenhouse with a delightful farm-to-table dinner, creating a warm and intimate atmosphere. Guests appreciated personalized thank you notes and the chef's insights into each course, while the groom's track team ensured seamless service. The dinner was truly moving, featuring the bride and groom's emotional vows to their children and the children's loving messages in return. The party shifted to the barn after dinner, promising dancing, drinks, dessert, and photobooth fun. However, the evening presented a few unexpected challenges: a fierce wind that sidelined the outdoor setup, a bonfire mishap with a hay bale, and a beet salad that didn't please every palate. As a wedding officiant, I always stress that even the most meticulously planned events encounter surprises. It's about embracing the unexpected, creating memories, and trusting the flow. Officiating my daughter's wedding was a deeply moving and beautiful experience. If you're looking for a personalized and heartfelt ceremony, I would be honored to officiate yours.
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I was determined to make everything perfect for my sweet friend Maggie and her fiance Lesly on their special wedding day. When Maggie and Lesly asked me to officiate their intimate wedding ceremony, I suggested they hold it under the walnut tree, and they instantly agreed it would be the perfect location. I mowed a large circle beneath the tree and threw the fallen walnuts into the alfalfa field to prevent anyone from tripping on them. As I raked and pulled weeds, I shared with the walnut tree what was happening beneath its canopy later that day. I often spoke to the tree; it held a special, magical presence in my life, radiating peaceful and soothing energy. When we moved to the acreage, we were told the walnut tree had been struck by lightning, died, and then came back to life. The previous owner, Bernice, jokingly referred to it as the “Jesus Tree.” I decorated the center of the tree with flowers. I gathered pink, fragrant, naked lady lilies from the yard and arranged them in the gaps of the decaying bark where busy black ants scurried about. Maggie’s friends Paris and Mary were the first guests to arrive, greeted in the driveway by our excited cairn terrier, Birdie. Shortly after, Maggie, Lesly, and Lesly’s parents pulled in. Lesly stepped out of the red jeep looking elegant in a soft, sleeveless, champagne colored dress, holding a stunning bouquet of mixed pastel-colored flowers. Maggie looked striking in a black button-up shirt tucked into her black pants, handsome as always. I’d never seen her so happy. She beamed from ear to ear as she hugged me and whispered, “Can you believe I’m getting married?” We gathered beneath the walnut tree, surrounded by the beauty of nature, with birds singing, crickets chirping, and a wind chime tinkling in the distance. Maggie and Lesly emerged from the house and made their way down the patio stairs, crossing the yard toward the walnut tree. The ballad “Eres Mi Religion” played over a Bluetooth speaker; a timeless love song about finding your soulmate and being devoted to them. Birdie raced to greet them, following them to the tree while leaping up towards Lesly’s bouquet as if she was carrying a dog treat. Fortunately, the brides found it adorable and referred to Birdie as their flower girl. After the intimate ceremony, the small wedding party gathered on the patio to toast with sparkling apple cider, enjoy charcuterie, and sign the marriage license. The day was simply perfect; the weather was beautiful, everything unfolded just as it should have, and it couldn’t have been any more delightful.  Maggie & Lesly 8-11-2024 2/8/2024 0 Comments Solving the Case of Burning Love: A Sherlock Holmes - Themed Wedding in a Former Fire Station.   Mystery lovers, Bret DuBois & Catrina Waite, intentionally planned their January 6th wedding to coincide with the birthday of their favorite fictional detective, Sherlock Holmes. They contacted me through my website to inquire about my availability to officiate their wedding. Bret emailed me: “My Fiancé and I are very excited to work with you. We are both big cat people, so reading about your magical cat made us think you would be a great fit!”
A few weeks earlier I had published a short story about my bewitching tomcat online. Lucky for me, the only thing Bret and Catrina loved more than Sherlock Holmes was cats! The deal was sealed. For the Big Event, they chose “The Shop DSM,” a popular downtown wedding venue that I was not familiar with. According to their website, the building formerly housed the Fire Department headquarters. It is now owned and operated as a non-profit by firefighters of IAFF4 and their families. The website boasted three usable spaces: a large, open rooftop, the cavernous main room, and a basement lounge, reminiscent of a Chicago Speakeasy. On Bret & Catrina’s wedding day, I drove to the venue and was surprised to learn I’d been by it many times. The entrance to “The Shop DSM” was somewhat tucked under an overpass and easy to miss. I found free parking in a public parking lot across the street, an unexpected bonus for guests. Stepping into the foyer, I noticed a high top bar area on one side, and two portable glass door refrigerators with beverages, on the opposite side. Handy restrooms and a portable coat rack made up the rest of the foyer area. I immediately liked the openness, the high ceilings, and the industrial feel of the space. I could imagine firefighters rushing in the door to climb on a fire truck. The highlight of the foyer was a Hollywood Style Marquee above the entrance to the main room called “The Shop,” where the ceremony was held. Black letters on a white marquee spelled out an iconic Sherlock Holmes catchphrase to introduce the couple: “The Game is Afoot for Brett and Catrina,” followed by #thewaiteisover - a clever play on Catrina’s maiden surname. Upon entering The Shop, I was welcomed by a decorated guest table with a framed sign that read, “Help us remember tonight by signing our Suspect List.” Guests were directed to sign the “Suspect List” and leave an inked fingerprint next to their name, in keeping with the Sherlock Holmes mystery theme. A wooden box held personalized wedding favors of magnifying glasses for guests to take home. Propped against the box was a tweed, Sherlock Holmes-like hunting cap. On the wall above the table hung three decorative western-style “Wanted” posters with photos of the couple and each of their cats. The venue was sprinkled beautifully with blue and white satin ribbons. Flower arrangements were thoughtfully placed alongside Sherlock Holmes themed decor. The ceremony space was arranged traditionally with folding chairs facing the front, along with a short aisle down the center. The backdrop was set with two old-style London lamp posts decorated with blue satin ribbons. Those were placed on either side of an elegant sheer curtain with vertical white lights. In the center of the backdrop was a tall black door with “221 B” in gold numbers placed above a gold door knocker. Fans of Sherlock Holmes might recognize the famous address of his fictional London flat. Prior to the ceremony, I mingled amongst the wedding party and family members who had gathered much earlier that day to get ready. There was lots of laughter and camaraderie. The excitement was evident as Bret and Catrina posed for photographs with the wedding party and other loved ones. Catrina was stunning in her elegant, white wedding gown. She obviously had Bret under her spell! He sparkled like the dazzling blue rhinestone on his fancy dress shoes. The couple appeared to be floating on cloud nine, taking us all along for the ride. The wedding party gathered in the lower lounge to wait for the ceremony to begin. Guests filtered into the venue and found their seats. Meanwhile, a woman waited at the door for her son to arrive. As it turned out, he was a local firefighter. His arrival marked the start of the ceremony, which felt fitting for an old fire station. The ceremony was simple and heartfelt. I’d met with the couple in advance and together we’d created the perfect script. Bret and Catrina wrote playful personal vows, which added both intimacy and humor to their ceremony. As I pronounced them married, the newly married couple took their first walk down the aisle. They were beaming! My work was done, but their fun was just beginning. On the main level there would be the traditional activities: dining, drinking, dancing, toasting, cake cutting and kissing, of course! The couple had thoughtfully equipped the lower lounge with board games and bowls of snacks to entertain guests. Professional photographs of the wedding were posted on Bret’s Facebook page a couple of weeks later. I enjoyed scrolling through them. I loved seeing Bret and Catrina dancing and Bret playing pool in the lounge with his buddies. I must admit, my favorite photos were taken on the rooftop - the perfect setting for a young couple on top of the world! The love they shared was no mystery, still their wedding had to be Sherlock Holmes greatest role, yet!  Leaf Iris Aisle has long been a favorite wedding venue of mine. The adventure begins the moment you pull off a gravel road onto the property. A meandering lane directs you to unmarked parking in an open meadow, reminiscent of the places keg parties were thrown growing up in the seventies. A well trodden path leads you to the main venue which boasts a high peaked roof and a sweeping entrance. Built by the owners themselves using glass panes and painted white wood, the structure is patterned after the greenhouses of the Victorian era. Glass was an expensive material at the time, so Victorian greenhouses and conservatories were considered symbolic of wealth and prestige. The greenhouse may be labeled Victorian, but there is nothing high society or chaste about it. Like the revolutionary social movements of the Victorian era, the business plan of Iris Aisle seems to embody a spirit of equality and social justice with unconditional love at its core. The progressive owners Raelyn and Earl Ramey, poured their heart and soul into creating a unique venue witchedly weaved into the wildflowers, medicinal plants, and forests surrounding their private living space. In addition to weddings, the venue can be booked for small private events and is a popular space for styled photo shoots. There is a sweet Couples Cabin and a secluded Lotus Bell Tent (think clamping) available to book for the wedding party or as an Airbnb. Reflecting their love of nature and liberalism, the owners have thoughtfully created a welcoming sanctuary where everyone is free to be themselves - including their cat. The cat, aptly named Leaf, a Norse word for “heir” and for “one who defies boundaries,” is the king of the cedar forest surrounding the greenhouse. His throne is wherever he deems royal enough: the chair at the front where the bride's mother traditionally sits, an intimate table top nestled under shade trees, or even the long train of the bride’s gown spread out for a dramatic portrait. I recently witnessed Leaf on all three thrones at the wedding ceremony I officiated for a sweet young couple named Tyler and Nayeli. The groom contacted me a few weeks before their August wedding date. My week-end calendar fills up quickly - often a year in advance, but weekday availability is more flexible. Their wedding was scheduled on a Thursday evening and luckily for me I was free. I love to meet with couples in person to establish rapport and discuss ceremony details, but Facetime and Zoom meetings work well, too. Especially in cases like Tyler and Nayeli’s when our planning time is shorter than usual. My years of experience officiating all sizes of weddings, both very formal and very casual, for every kind of couple imaginable, has given me the ability to show up for clients in all sorts of unexpected ways. At Tyler and Nayeli’s wedding, it was troubleshooting a tiny matter with their lovely two-tiered wedding cake. Prior to the ceremony, I was laughing at how comfortable Leaf looked lounging amongst the guests, when the bride’s faintly alarmed father pulled me aside to show me an area on top of the wedding cake missing a very small patch of frosting. Allegedly, his Royal Highness, was spotted near the cake and appeared to be licking the frosting. I can neither confirm or deny the validity of this claim, but being a full-service officiant I swung into action. The cake table included a small arrangement of pastel, paper-like flowers and greenery. Without hesitation I plucked a muted pink flower off the table and strategically placed it over the crime scene. Problem solved. The wedding went off without a hitch and the cake was no less delicious. My personal barometer of a couple's chance of having marital success is based on the energy created between them. The feeling of love and admiration radiating off of Tyler and Nayeli was palpable. We weren't celebrating the start of a new relationship that day, we were acknowledging and strengthening a bond between them that already existed. My barometer undeniably forecasted happily-ever-after for Tyler and Nayeli. It’s often the mishaps and misadventures that become treasured wedding day memories. Even Leaf’s shenanigans could not divert attention from Naylei’s beauty or Tyler’s obvious adoration of her. I’m not sure they knew about the cake-licking-cat before the ceremony, but I only saw joy on their faces as they repeated their wedding vows. Witnessing the power of love is why I cherish officiating weddings. I get reminded over and over that love is real and not a fairytale. Of course married life can be a challenge. I’m certain even Raelyn and Earl have their struggles and they live on a virtual Love Farm. I believe the key to creating an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little extra every day, as often as possible, without strings attached. The key to creating longevity in a marriage is in always forgiving each and never losing sight of the love that brought you together. I’d also recommend getting a cat. Yes, definitely get a cat. And if you’re looking for a special place to tie the knot, schedule a tour of Iris Aisle at once. I guarantee you'll fall in love.  A secret-garden-like path to the main entrance  The wedding cake.  Leaf leads the recessional  My experience as a seasoned wedding officiant has taught me to carry a tissue in my pocket to offer the bride or groom. Weddings are emotional times, I’m often moved by the tender exchanges I witness between couples. Professionally, I need to keep my emotions in check, no one wants a weeping wedding officiant stealing their spotlight.
My emotional regulation failed during the ceremony of Tanya and Michael. My heart was touched by the unpretentious septuagenarians walking each other down the aisle, hand in hand, wearing their Sunday best, in a room void of guests but full of anticipation. When joyful tears ran down Tanya’s face, Michael gallantly handed her a blue handkerchief pulled from his front pocket. Suddenly, for the first time in countless weddings, tears escaped from my eyes. Regrettably, I’d forgotten to grab a tissue and had to pause the ceremony to ask for one. Afterwards, the newlyweds shared a glimpse into their love story. Tanya said they went to high school together. After graduation, she headed off to college, but Michael’s couldn't go, so he went to work and landed in public transportation. They reconnected twenty years ago at their high school reunion and have been together ever since. In the 1970’s, Michael married his first wife in a big church wedding. He exclaimed, “I had no idea how big the wedding was going to be until I arrived at the church!” Tanya confessed she’d dreamed of a big church wedding in her youth, but now, both in their seventies, an intimate wedding fit them best. Tanya stated, “Most people think we’re already married!” She made a curious remark, “Michael and I decided not to invite anyone to our wedding. We didn’t want people to have to choose whether or not to come.” Although I didn’t ask her to explain, I understood the essence of what she was saying. Sometimes we choose love regardless of the possibility of being rejected for the person we’ve chosen. I reflected on my own love story. In 2008, I’d committed to spending the rest of my life with my same-sex partner. We threw a one year “anniversary party” in a rented lodge, on a beautiful lake, and stunned our guests with a surprise wedding ceremony officiated by our affirmimg pastor - all before same-sex marriage was legal or more widely accepted. We made the difficult decision to exclude family members who could rain on our parade. Perhaps, I sensed that Tanya and Michael had similar attitudes; kindred spirits on the path to love unapologetically. The wedding took place at a fresh new venue in the Historic East Village called VOWS DSM, a pioneer in the industry; there are no wedding venues like it in the state of Iowa. They provided everything Tanya and Michael needed for their ideal wedding and more. The options at VOWS DSM are limitless, affordable, and classy. They can arrange the entire event for 2-70 guests: the food, photographer, flowers, music, drinks, and the officiant. Or couples can reserve the modern venue and plan everything themselves. Tanya and Michael wholeheartedly expressed that VOWS DSM was the perfect venue for their intimate wedding experience. Following the ceremony, they had a toast, posed for more photos, shared a lovely charcuterie tray and gourmet cupcakes. To top off their wedding, they’d planned a celebratory dinner at a favorite steakhouse later that night. As the newlyweds enjoyed their refreshments, I observed them from across the room. They rested in the comfortable familiarity of each other's presence, quietly enjoying the moment that marked the next chapter of their long-lasting love story. My heart strings tugged again, I reached for another tissue. 10/5/2022 0 Comments The Anam Cara CeremonyI recently officiated the wedding ceremony of Matthew and Elizabeth, which was created in the Celtic spirit of anam cara. Their wedding was held at Iris Aisle, an intimate wedding venue outside of Winterset. It was my first time officiating there, I fell in love with place. The co-owner and photographer, Raelyn Ramey, fit the Victorian vibe of the venue perfectly. She silently glided around the couple shooting photos. Her long wavy hair, flowing dress, and colorful tattoos made her appear almost supernatural; I think she is actually a Woodland Fairie. One things for certain, she's an incredible photographer and a visionary in the wedding industry. The words "anam cara" translates in Gaelic to soul friend or soul mate. An anam cara relationship is believed to be a deep and spiritual connection between two people who are joined in an ancient and eternal way. Even before they dated, Matthew intuited a special connection with Elizabeth, and he have gave her the book Anam Cara by poet John O'Donahue. Matthew and Elizabeth knew exactly what they wanted and together created an outline for me of blessings and vows that were meaningful to them. I had the honor of lighting candles and invoking the blessings of the Elders and of the Elements: Earth, Air, Fire and Water. Here is a sample of their wedding ceremony: "Love is never late, nor is it early. It arrives precisely when it’s meant to. Anam Cara is Gaelic for soul friend, soul-love or soulmate. But the pairing of these two words is about more than just an ordinary union of two people in love; it's deep and spiritual and special. Matthew and Elizabeth, to be in an intentional anam cara relationship requires your absolute presence, integrity, love and acceptance of each other, as you humbly and gracefully keep your judgments in check. It also asks for your expanded capacity to receive love, appreciation and acceptance - opening your hearts to trust, vulnerability and the willingness to be seen and heard. Anam cara is not something that is sought, but is recognized by a reciprocal heart song, “I know you - I see you - I understand you - I value you - I accept you - My soul accompanies yours.”    My best wedding advice? Do not expect everything to go as planned. I’ve learned that expectations are preconceived resentments and there is no room for resentments on your wedding day. Of course, every couple hopes their special day goes on without a hitch, but oftentimes the “hitch” is what makes a wedding more memorable.
I still chuckle about the time my son was the ring bearer at my sister’s first wedding some thirty years ago. As I was getting him dressed in his cute little 90’s tuxedo, I realized the tuxedo store neglected to pack the shiny black dress shoes we ordered. The only shoes he had were his scuffed-up Ninja Turtle tennis shoes...so that’s what he wore. Fortunately, my sister chose not to sweat the small stuff despite the fact that she had carefully orchestrated the wedding party's attire. Today, that photo of my son rocking his favorite Ninja Turtle tennis shoes is a beloved keepsake. My role as a wedding officiant often includes a wedding rehearsal. Not all couples plan a rehearsal; if their wedding is small, or very casual, they likely don’t need one. But a wedding rehearsal can be a great time to practice the flow and timing of the ceremony and answer any questions the couple may still have. Once the wedding party is assembled, I like to start the rehearsal by having the wedding party line up in the places they want to end up. It’s easier to practice the wedding processional (walking down aisle) if everyone knows where they are going. We practice the processional and recessional as many times as needed. Once everyone expresses confidence that they know their roles, the rehearsal traditionally concludes with a shared celebratory dinner. One conclusion my years of experience as a wedding officiant has proven is the fact that it’s inevitable that something will go awry on your wedding day. Usually, it’s something minor like a missed cue or a wardrobe malfunction. Perhaps, the maid of honor is late or the best man misplaces the wedding rings. Integral members of the wedding party may misstep, misspeak, drink too much, fall ill, fall out; the list could continue ad infinitum. But the truth is nothing can ruin your wedding when you remember the most important detail; you get to spend the rest of your life with the person you love. Focus on each other and the beautiful love you share. Let everything else go and I guarantee you will laugh about it later! Some People Are Worth Melting For. -Olaf From Frozen 4/12/2021 0 Comments A Fresh Start. David and Shannon were married in January, 2021. A small ceremony was held in their beautiful home. They started a new chapter together surrounded by close family, friends, and spectacular flowers! My whole plan for having a blog was to write. So why haven't I written a blog post since last year? There is no logical explanation. I have hundreds of ideas running through my head all day. I find inspiration everywhere. Oh, look at that tree! Wouldn't that be a beautiful spot for a small outdoor wedding? Tattoos instead of wedding rings? Love it! Wedding versus a down payment on a house? Sounds like a reality show - oh wait, it is! A bride in a pantsuit? Live plants versus cut flowers? How do you honeymoon during a pandemic? Should you write your own vows? What is a wedding officiant and how do you choose one? The list goes on ad-infinitum.
A vital lesson I've learned in this classroom called life is, a very basic notion, that I can start again as easily as I inhale and exhale. The same concept applies to wedding planning, especially during this time of uncertainty. Have you had to change your wedding venue due to Covid restrictions? Did your guest list get reduced from 300 to 20 and back to 300? Do you feel like running away and getting married in Las Vegas just to avoid the pressure? Are you ignoring something you need to do and you’re not even sure why? How about a fresh start? Stop what you are doing right now and just breathe. Take a slow deep breath in and let it out very slowly. Take a few more deep breaths. Feel your mind and body soften and relax. What now? Start your day anew. Start your wedding planning anew. Start your blog anew. Start your life anew. Give yourself the gift of a fresh start. We all deserve it. 10/26/2020 1 Comment Sometimes a Pet Steals the Show!I am mad about outdoor weddings, especially when couples invite a beloved pet to be a part of their Big Day! What better place to include a pet than the great outdoors? Additionally, adding a family pet to a wedding photo gives it instant charm! If you're thinking about including a pet in your wedding ceremony, make sure you put a trustworthy friend or family member in charge of getting your pet home. Keep in mind, if you chose to include a cute dog, cat, or even the family pet pig in your wedding, the animal may get more attention than you. During this 2020 wedding season the majority of my weddings were held outdoors and two included a beloved family dog. You can see in these photos how a pet can steal the show!  Paul & Katy with Scotch. Mary & Cody with Luke.8/26/2020 0 Comments Honoring Absent Family & Friends. Due to Covid 19, more weddings are missing loved ones. In addition to honoring family and friends who have passed away, couples are acknowledging their beloved unable to attend due to the pandemic. Nothing can replace having the ones you love at your side on your wedding day, but there are many heartfelt ways to celebrate them with you in spirit. Ask your officiant to mention them by name. Have a moment of silent reflection. Light candles in their honor. Have a memory table with framed photos and flowers. Reserve a seat for them. Pin photos to your bouquet. Mention absent family and friends in your program. Hand out wedding favors in their honor. Make a special toast to missing loved ones at the reception. Make a donation to your favorite Charity in their honor. These are only a few ideas. If you choose to acknowledge missing family and friends, the possibilities are endless when you search your heart for meaning. Music, poems, videos, the sky's the limit, or you can hold them silently in your thoughts and they are there, no fanfare needed. I make the effort to passionately open in love to the spirit that infuses all things. -Ram Dass |
